Preggers
by Entwife Incognito
Summary: As you might guess, a pregnancy fic. Territory I've never trod and it took an entire bottle of wine to do it. To satisfy the requests of a number of you who have asked, even begged that I write one. It is distinctly mine, no doubt. I hope you enjoy it! 1-shot AU. Warning! Adult sexual situations. If you don't like that, don't read this! Disclaimer: I own nothing about The Mentalist


Teresa Lisbon heaved into the toilet bowl. Such a disgusting place to put one's face! It only made her heave more. She needed something to settle her stomach. Still queasy, she dragged to the kitchen and fixed her first cup of coffee for the day. It didn't sit right. It felt acid and overfilled her stomach somehow. In one lurch, she emptied it into the kitchen sink and flushed the nearly unsullied coffee down with the spray nozzle. "Shit!" Oh, god, was she coming down with something?

Feeling her forehead, she detected no sign of fever. If anything, she felt too cool and clammy. And tired. All she wanted to do was go back to bed for a nice nap. Maybe she'd feel better after that.

Phoning in, she discovered there was nothing pressing for the morning so far. She made her excuses to Fischer and crawled back under the covers, purposely leaving her cell phone on the kitchen counter so that she wouldn't hear the fifty-eleven phone calls Jane would make to inquire about her. She dreamed very pleasant dreams.

_Patrick was entering her from behind as she lay on her side. He was so gentle, moving slow and shallow, pressed warmly against her back and whispering into her ear. 'How does that feel? Deeper? Do you want to change positions?'_

'_Deeper,' she moaned._

'_Okay. Tell me if I bump something.'_

_She smiled. He was so careful with her now, but so excited, so hot to be inside her, so eager to feel her body as he made love to her. Everything was brand new for them. He pushed on her shoulders and she curled forward to bring her hips to a better angle. She felt him shift, too, and suddenly he was there! At just the right spot. Oh, she felt pumped full of warm honey as the sensation took over her entire body. Even her breasts were swollen with it._

_Patrick huffed and moaned behind her, gripping her hips as he drove into her. She could tell he was too excited to wait, so she pulled his hand to her nipple. So sensitive these days, when he thumbed it she cried out and froze as he finished her by rolling it in a light pinch. The spasms started immediately, followed by the groaning that told her he had come, too. Her breasts seemed to hum, still under his caressing hand, leaking fluid onto his fingers, the fluid that would feed their new baby._

_Cooling down, she lay still as Patrick started rubbing her belly. 'I love this part,' he whispered, kissing her neck. 'I love how excited he gets after his mother has an orgasm. I think he knows you're making food for him and he wants it. Now! I don't blame him. I love the feel of it on my fingers.'_

_Putting her hand near his, she felt her son kick and squirm inside her. The baby was big enough to see his movement, sudden lumps of foot or elbow pressing out and lively misshapings as he stretched and changed position. He was due in two weeks and his parents couldn't wait to see him._

Lisbon's eyes opened, still half asleep. Wow. She'd been having strange dreams the past couple of weeks, but nothing this weird! A baby. With Patrick. Whew! Then she sat straight up.

Fuck! Fuck, fuck, fuck!

Jumping out of bed, she threw on some clothes and shoes, ran a brush through her hair and had grabbed her purse to go out the door when another wave of nausea hit her. Back to the kitchen sink! There was really nothing in her stomach to empty, and her boobs hurt just pressing them as she bent over the sink. Cleaning her face and mouth, Lisbon thought of tea. It sounded good. Mild. Hydrating. Taking time to make a cup, she sat down at her kitchen table and sighed, relief washing over her as she took the first few sips. That was settling her stomach down!

She groaned. It had to be true. She must be pregnant. And Patrick Jane's baby was making her drink fucking tea, damn it!

Patrick and Teresa had been together for only about six weeks. So relieved to get their baggage out of the way and find each other at last, they had consummated their inchoate desire in one flaming hot weekend of passion in, in . . . where was it? Someplace in Virginia, she thought. She sighed. Since when was she so forgetful? True, they traveled so much with the FBI, unless she was thinking of a specific case, it was hard to say when she was where. But still. Her memory had always been better than that.

It had happened the last night of the case and they had stayed on in the hotel for two more days, never surfacing to tell Fischer or the rest of the team they wouldn't be accompanying them home. Checking in by phone instead, no one had even asked them about it.

After that first long tryst, they had each laid in a supply of condoms and were never without. Apparently too late. And so was her period. She'd just been too busy between work and Jane to think about it. And truthfully, at forty-two years old, she'd considered herself past it, or at least very unlikely. Shit! Her brain had been shut off by lust. What was she, seventeen? A loud, throaty groan expressed her exasperation better than any words could! She set out for the drugstore.

She was eating a toasted, dry sesame bagel and tea when Jane stopped by her desk late that afternoon. The sesame seeds just seemed especially tasty.

"I'm glad I had lunch! I wouldn't want to share yours," he teased. "No bear claw? I heard you weren't feeling well. I tried to call . . . "

"I know. I got your dozenty messages. I didn't have the plague, Jane. I just needed to sleep." She yawned, not meaning to emphasize her continuing lassitude. "What are you doing now?"

"Eyeballing my couch."

"How about eyeballing the Silver Twinkie down in the parking lot?"

"Ooo. I like the urgency, Special Agent Lisbon. And on the job, too. A tryst!"

"Don't get too hot to trot. Believe me, that's not what's on my mind. And it probably won't be on yours."

"Ha! Don't be too sure of that. There's not much I can think of that will put me off you!"

"Sweet. But you're not thinking hard enough."

"So mysterious. It only makes me more eager, you know. Hurry up and eat that bagel!"

"Go on down. I'll meet you in a minute."

Lisbon finished her bagel and tea, and sighed. Time to beard the lion in his own den. She pulled a drugstore bag from her desk drawer and headed for Jane's Airstream.

Jane opened the door for her and latched on to her forearm to steady her into the motor home. "Table or couch?"

Good question. She decided the comfort of closeness was best. "Couch."

Jane waggled his eyebrows. "Good choice!" He smiled broadly and sat down after her. Quietly, he waited for her to speak, eyeing the bag as she put her hand in it.

"Remember when you said you loved me and you'd never, ever run away from me again?"

"Oh, yes. The happiest promise I ever made."

Silently, she brought out a small wrapped gift, in a box about six inches on a side, and handed it to him.

Jane laughed as he turned it in his hand, then shook it. It rattled with the high tinkle of small objects made of hard plastic. "You're giving me an assortment of stick pens as a bribe to keep my promise?"

"No."

"Legos?"

"Just open it."

Removing the gold bow and gold foil paper, he opened the lid of the box and seemed to stop breathing. He reached in and brought out a handful of objects that looked like electronic thermometers. Varied colors and shapes, their windows sported a variety of symbols in pink, blue, gray and black. Jane knew what they were.

There were five. He looked at each one in turn and then looked at Lisbon in wonder, and not a little shock. Pulling her hand out of her pocket, she handed him another one. The window said, "pregnant." Dumping them all in the box and pushing it aside, he took his love in his arms, kissing every exposed surface and babbling, "It's wonderful. I'm so happy. Oh, Lisbon! Teresa! I love you! We're going to have a baby!"

Finally, he picked up the box again. Six! She had taken six pregnancy tests today. He would treasure this present for all time! "I guess you wanted to be sure, huh?" he teased. But when he looked up, her face was in a struggle of emotion. She was trying not to cry. His eyes went as round with alarm as his mouth, and his voice went high and soft. "Whoop! Whoop, whoop, it's okay, Lisbon. Don't worry. Everything's okay."

"What are we going to do?"

"I want you to marry me. Right away!"

"I know that. What are we going to do about the baby?"

"You know that I want to marry you?"

"Of course. I'm not stupid. You've wanted to for a long time."

"You're a sly one, Teresa."

She just sniffed and wiped her eyes.

Jane offered his handkerchief. "What's your answer?"

"I want the baby!"

"Of course you do. I mean, what's your answer to my proposal?"

Narrowing her eyes and raising an eyebrow, "Did you propose? I missed that part." She sniffed loudly and wiped her nose. "What about the baby?"

"We'll be its parents, of course. I'm Daddy. You're Mama. We'll love it and raise it. And have more!"

Lisbon seemed to be calming down. Jane studied her carefully, thinking. Lisbon was a traditionalist about marriage and family, he felt sure. There was only one thing to do!

He took her hands and got down on one knee, facing the most beautiful woman he could imagine. Her eyes had gone wide and round, but he watched her gaze soften, deep green and glistening as her lips drew into a gentle smile.

"Teresa, there isn't a part of me – body, brain, heart, anything – that doesn't love you. I want to be with you for the rest of my life. I want to be your husband. Will you marry me?"

Looking into his eager eyes, she leaned and kissed his forehead. "I want you for my husband. And I want to be your wife. Yes, Patrick, I will marry you, my love."

Falling into a heated embrace, they consummated their engagement on that couch, christening the Silver Twinkie in the process. Vigorously.

Cho walked by during the height of the tempest to witness the Airstream rocking rhythmically and hear the calls of the lovers, faint in the parking lot. He actually did a double take, said, "Shit!" and sped into the building, failing to stifle his laughter.

Cho was surprised later when he got a text from Jane to come to the motor home. When he entered, Lisbon was seated on the couch. He looked at Jane. Relaxed faces, pink cheeks, plump lips, that look in their eyes. Oh, they'd been doing it, all right. Jane motioned him to the small table, and as he bent to sit down, he noticed an open box on the other side. It was almost impossible not to see what was inside it, but Cho's face indicated nothing.

"What's up?" Cho managed to keep his face straight.

"Lisbon-? "Jane opened.

"Cho. We wanted you to know right away. Jane and I are going to be married."

"I'd like you to stand up for me at the ceremony." Jane smiled and arched his eyebrows in glee.

Looking at Jane and then Lisbon, he appeared tranquil. "Anything else you want to tell me?"

Lisbon and Jane looked at each other, then Jane shrugged at him.

Cho hooked a finger in the open box and pulled it towards himself to look in. "Six." He paused a beat. "Are you sure you don't need another test?"

Lisbon turned bright red while Jane dissolved into some rather uncharacteristically high-pitched giggles. "Yes. Lisbon's pregnant. We're going to be parents!"

Cho looked at each of them in turn. Lisbon was smiling now. "Congratulations. Yes, I'll stand up for you."

Within two weeks, they were married. Lisbon's niece, Annie, stood up for her, and all her brothers, plus Grace and Wayne Rigsby, managed to be there.

When Lisbon's tummy started to show, they informed Fischer about her pregnancy. She just nodded and filled out some forms for Lisbon to sign. "You'll go on light duty at six months gestation, mostly desk work. We'll try not to separate Jane from you too much. But it will happen."

Those were the hardest times for both of them. Jane expected a text at least every thirty minutes of the day. If she went more than an hour, she got a miffed phone call. His insomnia had been history since he and Lisbon had got together, but Jane discovered that he didn't sleep well anymore unless he was in Lisbon's arms or she in his. It made him a bit grouchy on the away jobs, but everybody understood and tolerated it.

Lisbon had been on light duty for about three months and the baby's official due date was in two days. Jane had just finished making gentle love to Lisbon in his new favorite way.

He loved kissing her "where our baby will come out, " mostly nice warm licking, really. He said her scent and taste were different in pregnancy. Sweeter. Special. Far from minding, it left Lisbon in a usually multiply satisfied stupor, followed more often than not by deep, dreamless slumber. She didn't know what it did for Jane until she started noticing the large streaks of wet about midway and down the sheets on the mornings after.

"Ow! That orgasm hurt!"

"Do I need to apologize?"

She gave him a light backhanded slap to the chest, then turned to kiss his cheek and peck his lips. "Silly jackass. No—oh! Ow! It's pinching my whole belly. I must have twisted something."

Jane sat up. "Turn over to me."

She struggled, but it wasn't easy. Rolling her eyes, she grunted, "You come over here, patting the mattress on her side and making more room for him. He climbed over to start his examination, Lisbon stifling a smirk at his seriousness and diligent concentration. His broad hands and nimble fingers roved her belly in several places, lightly pressing and pushing. "If you don't stop, I'm going to need you to do something else with those pretty fingers."

"Your belly has gone tight."

"Oooooh! I wish it would quit. No more licking for you!"

"Ha! You'll be begging me for it tomorrow. I know how much you like it."

In a few moments she sighed and looked relieved. He felt again. Soft and relaxed. "That's not the orgasm. That's a contraction."

It was three more days until she went into real labor. It was long and hard because she was slow to dilate after being admitted to the hospital.

"My cervix is old and turned to concrete." She was tired, whining and in pain.

"No, it's not. Your body knows what it's doing." Jane massaged her back and then spooned with her in the roomy bed, stroking her side.

When the baby was finally born, Lisbon screamed, then flushed and started to sweat, breathing heavily. "Oh, god. That feels good!"

Jane laughed, kissed the side of her forehead and fairly danced to do his duty of cutting the cord. The nurses whisked the baby away and after a little while set him, swaddled tightly, in Lisbon's arms. His parents promptly unwrapped him to check that everything was there and in the right places. He started making sucking noises with his mouth. Jane rewrapped him while Lisbon prepared to put him to her breast.

"Michael Robert Jane, I'm your father. Meet your mother. Here's that yummy food you've been waiting so long for." He handed Michael to his mother and helped her get him turned to the breast where he latched on and vigorously started to suck.

Lisbon jumped at the new sensation. "Oh!" Her surprised eyes snapped to Jane's. 'He's stronger than you!' she mouthed.

"He's drawing life from you. I just draw love." He bent to kiss her, rolling his warm wet tongue past her lips.

Jumping again, she looked down at her son as he set a new and stronger pace. Caressing his cheek with a finger, she slowly blew out the breath she was holding in puffed cheeks, exhaling through narrowed lips. Recovered from the sudden onslaught of feeling from her son's suckling mouth, she smiled warmly at her husband.

The nurse was cleaning her up below. "That's good! Keep feeding him. The contractions will help get everything back together again." Lisbon and Jane made an exaggerated moue of horror at each other, Lisbon mouthing, 'Back together?'

Smiling, Jane stroked his wife's cheek, then lightly rubbed the thick dark hair on his son's head. When the baby had finished feeding and Lisbon was cleaned up, they moved to a private room where she could get some rest. She promptly fell into a deep sleep.

Cho came by to visit later that evening. He and Jane stood at the nursery window and looked at the baby, swaddled in a basinet just on the other side. They cocked their heads one way and another in bemusement, not saying anything. Finally, Jane said, "What do you think? Chairman Mao?" They both took in a breath of recognition and said together, almost musically, "Oh, yeah . . . "

Cho said, "He's beautiful."

"Yes. He is beautiful," Jane agreed, and then he cried, Cho giving him a few manly pats on the shoulder.


End file.
